Why you should make friends on the internet
An ode to all of my incredible internet friendships in New York
I remember sitting on the unfinished tar roof of my East Village building almost 4 years ago on the very day I moved in. It was August, scorching hot. I was laying on a literal bath towel in a bikini top with no sunscreen and a bodega smoothie, musing over my new life- I can’t believe I can just walk 2 minutes to get this smoothie every day if I want to. My roommates, who were my best friends from college, (and still are my best friends) were moving in and joining our closet-sized abode 2 weeks later, so I had 2 weeks alone to be the architect of my New York dream.
I’d spend all of my free time wandering streets and avenues that made up the lattice of lower Manhattan, popping into boutiques and bakeries, thinking- so many new friends and characters were going to come to the doorstep of my life. How…these new friends and I would always get coffee together on a Sunday morning after a workout class, or how I’d probably find myself naturally in the Hamptons next summer with a new group of girls, laughing and drinking rose from that one place in Montauk with the damn $98 salad.
I’m not sure what steps I thought I needed to take to make all of those dreams a reality, but I really I thought I’d be able to approach the girl next to me on the treadmill or in the laundry room.
After a few awkward and eyebrow-furrowing interactions, I learned that people don’t really do that here. If anyone ever approached me and tried to strike up a conversation, I would never think it was weird, but it isn’t common New York behavior amongst strangers. [This was also the era where it was humiliating to post anything online- the idea of being a content creator or writer was off the table, even though I knew it was secretly something I always wanted to do but the thought of people…from college…seeing me post online? Forget about it.]
Fast forward 4 years later. I was sitting at Monkey Bar last week with 3 other incredible friends, all in the food scene, all friends I met online. 4 spoons going into a shared ice cream sundae, topped with laughter and excitement toward the passion projects we were all working on. It felt like a really special moment in the timeline of uncertainty around new friendships in a new city.
I also realize that this piece is a bit different than my usual recommendations, but internet friends have shaped and fueled my love for writing on Substack and navigating New York in my 20’s. For writing about restaurants, culture, and life here. I also think in my 26th year, feeling existential and all, I’ve gained a new sense of gratitude and bravery for wanting to connect with those that love the same things I do.
My thoughts on building community in an online world
1. Spending *limited* free time correctly is so important
Part of moving to New York and trying to make new friends is doing a lot of shit you don’t want to do. For anyone that has a semi-demanding job, every second of free time you have should be spent intentionally, which is something I learned after going to many Murray Hill bars, spending $80 on tickets to see an artist I didn’t even know, (or the most haunting- going to a ‘bottomless brunch’) because a mutual friend invited me. Even if I don’t like the plan, it’s an excuse to make a new friend, right? Was what I told myself. Be a good sport.
When I felt the agony of a weekend of activities I didn’t enjoy blow by into Monday morning, I’d always tell myself that maybe I was too picky or needed to learn how to go with the flow better. To some degree, I still feel like it’s important to be flexible and spontaneous, but time is very much of the essence. At some point, this frustration led me to want to connect with people on the internet. People that loved to try new restaurants, go explore a new neighborhood for the day, sift through racks of vintage clothing and furniture. As soon as I put myself out there, I realized how badly others wanted the same thing.
2. Your DM’s should be the hottest place to be
We’re all on our damn phones putting our lives on display, so the least we can do is actually connect with others who are setting their IG-story-stage with the same backdrops; a matcha from that place you’ve been dying to try, the bar from last weekend you also loved. Everything is showbiz, (I also understand the motive behind being single and hot on your story), but if not for that, why not to attract people with similar interests?
My point is, some of my closest friends in New York started from a simple response to a story, because I think messaging others to open the conversation of, “I feel like we like all of the same shit, we should grab a drink”, is the best use of staring at a glass square for 7 hours and 30 minutes a day. If anyone thinks you’re weird for sending them a dm like that, I’d be interested to know why they’re so public about their interests and whereabouts, I forever believe no one can have too many friends.
3. Sharing a meal with a new friend is so special
This is where my piece as someone who has a more-than-average interest in restaurants comes in, but meeting a new friend over a meal is the best way to get to know someone. If it’s a restaurant or bakery that you know and love, you have the pleasure of introducing your favorite dishes to that person and interpreting how they respond when they take the first bite. If it’s somewhere you both haven’t been, you embark on the adventure of navigating a menu together. The most fun is when the new friend is married to choices that you’d never get, so you’re forced to wave the white flag and get the hummus instead of your usual tartare, but you end up loving it more than anything else you ate that night.
It’s rare that I’ve been on a new friend date over a meal and we haven’t sat there for hours and talked. There’s so many topics to explore, getting to know someone for the first time is a special feeling in life, and should be accompanied by the last sips of dessert and coffee, while you reflect on the meal and all of the things you have in common and the next fun plans you’ll make.
<3 my friends I met online <3
…And what they have to say about meeting friends online
Kaitlyn and I connected over our love of trying new restaurants almost two years ago when we decided to dm one another and get a Wednesday night omakase at Sushi on Me. (We both chuckle at our first restaurant choice knowing it’s so far from what we’d choose today). She is probably your favorite food creator on TikTok and writes incredible guides here on Substack to showcase all of the small businesses she loves, and everything she’s learned from her extensive dining adventures. She’s also one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met and I always leave dinner with her feeling so excited for more future dinners.
[Kaitlyn] on making internet friends:
““I was sort of the first to move out of my college friends and I didn’t grow up going out to eat a lot, so when I moved here I really discovered my love for restaurants and found others that also loved the food scene, as well, by slowly starting to post on my food account. Eventually, I got connected to other creators who had similar accounts and also were putting themselves out there by making content, [so it felt nice to know there was a community to connect with]. There’s also a huge drinking culture here and this has been the most incredible way for me to make friends without feeling like I have to go out to a bar or party to do so.
Favorite meal I’ve had with Kaitlyn: Foxface Natural, East Village



(AKA )
I was actually following Kathleen on Instagram for awhile (before we met in person)- her page is a literal wellness wonderland with the best recommendations for workout classes, spas, recipes, AND her favorite nyc restaurants. As a lover of ~balance (aka someone who likes self-care but also also loves to eat out), I’d reply to her stories so often that we finally decided we had to hang out in person. Our first friend date was on a Sunday night at Pranakhon, I think we were both hungover, and our most recent was over a spread at Thea Bakery that we woke up at 8am on a Sunday morning to get. We laughed as we went for a stroll around Fort Green about how happy we both were that our favorite weekend plans no longer involved hangovers, but instead, early morning bakery runs.
[Kathleen] on making internet friends:
““I think there’s something so unique about this space where you can meet people that you’d probably totally love if you met through a friend, but the “friend” is social media if that makes sense ?? It kinda breaks down a wall that we think is there (in reality it’s probably not and we should probably talk to more people that we think seem cool) and allows us to jump into a friendship. I think there’s also something to be said about how and what people post — if people are putting themselves out there online and sharing something passionately, chances are you’ll connect on more than just food because of the type of people that (generally) do this.
Favorite meal I’ve had with Kathleen: Baby Blues Luncheonette, Williamsburg



(AKA )
I read
for the first time and immediately knew that Lindsay and I would be friends. Her love for exploring new neighborhoods is a deep love of mine, as well, so it was only fitting at our first meal was at Pitt’s in Redhook, which we both hopped on a few busses to get to. We agreed over our pancake soufflé that we had so much fun at dinner that night, that we had to spend an entire day together exploring as soon as possible, which is precisely what we did. A few weeks later we found ourselves in Sunnyside with an itinerary full of restaurants to try and park benches to yap on for hours. Lindsay is the kind of friend that you feel like you’ve known your whole life when you’re in her presence.[Lindsay] on making internet friends:
““My parents always told me not to make friends on the internet, but these days I lowkey make all my friends that way…
I’ve met so many of my favorite people from the internet because it allows me to more easily connect with people by knowing that we already have stuff in common, like if we have mutuals, both have cats or have favorite spots in common. Yeah, it can be kind of silly to DM someone you’ve never met to hang out, but the worst that can happen is that they’ll say no/not answer, which I’ve experienced my fair share of tbh. But the risk is more than worth it for when you find the people you just instantly click with.
Madeline and I met through Substack and even though we’ve literally only hung out twice, I feel like we’ve been friends for so much longer. I can be extra when it comes to dining out — I like to take pictures, go to well-vetted places and don’t mind a long commute — so such a big box is checked for me when someone is on the same page with *all that.* I know when we hang out that we’ll be having fun, eating good and not feeling embarrassed about the bajillion photos we both take. I’m already looking forward to our next adventure and am always looking forward to building more community ✨
Favorite meal I’ve had with Lindsay: Bolivian Llama Party, Sunnyside



(AKA nycbutglutenfree)
Lex works for one of the hottest startups in food-tech right now and actually dm’d me from her company Instagram seeing if we’d want to work together on content. Me being curious (and also working for a startup) asked about her experience working for her company and creating content + writing a substack and we ended up having so much in common that we decided to get dinner at Virginia’s! Her content is insanely high quality and quite thoughtful, and she is the queen of all things gluten free, introducing me to some of the best spots that naturally have a ton of GF menu options (without having to ask for GF).
[Alexis] on making internet friends:
““This question got me thinking about a ton of things in life in general- there are two types of people- people that go with the flow vs. the “do-ers”, and the beauty of New York is that it’s filled with people who actually execute, which is why making friends with others who are actually executing on similar hobbies (in my case the food and beverage space) is something I think is so important. I’ve met so many people in the food space [through the internet] that are equally as passionate about food and it’s become such a natural and normal way to meet people that I don’t even think twice when dming others with similar passions.
There’s a lot of people on social media who are also so competitive, as well, so there’s always a risk of reaching out to someone that isn’t interested in getting to know a new friend, but when you do and it clicks, it’s just the most special thing, and worth putting yourself out there.
Favorite meal I’ve had with Alexis: Chada, West Village



Big ➕ to all of this! I kind of like that you can skip some of the small talk with internet friends because they already know some of the basics from seeing your IG/reading your Substack/etc. You can just go straight to showing them pictures of your cats and grabbing food somewhere you've both been wanting to try.
Oh hello ily !!!!! This is fantastic